Trees and Garland and Tears

Last year, rather than deal with the emotions of Christmas, I spirited Ian and myself off to the Disney Cruise, figuring, correctly, that no one could be really unhappy at the house (or ship) of Mouse.  And it worked, even though I was so sick Christmas Eve that soda crackers seemed too much for my stomach.  

But, this year, it's different.  Ian wants to stay home, and have a tree, and more importantly, have Garland all over everywhere.  Now, I don't mind the garland.  In fact, I like it a lot. But just staying home is the problem for me.  I still don't want to have to look at my empty, disheveled home, where nothing is in it's right place, and every time I look past the surface I see more stuff that needs fixing or dumping or putting away or replacing or ....  Maybe I'll just get one of those cheap aluminum garland trees, with the rotating lights (or led lights), and some glow-y balls to put on it, and not even take our stuff down from the garage storage.  But I'm not sure that is the right choice either.  

Today I was going to go to Su Hong's for dinner after dropping Ian off at his group.  The web page said they were closed Mondays, but open the rest of the week.  Well, the web page was wrong, and they were closed.  I was disappointed, but then got sad too - Su Hong's is where Ken took me on our first date. He had the Pepper Beef, and I had the General's Chicken, and we had the BBQ Pork Wonton soup & steamed rice.  Then we walked to the theater down the street to see the Best of Animé (I think - it was cartoons anyway).  Anyway, that was really making me sad, so I decided to just go to China Delight in Palo Alto.  Except I couldn't find a parking spot. At all.  By then, I wasn't hungry any more, so I decided to just park and wait for Ian to come out from group, but I couldn't find a parking spot anywhere around there either.  I hate, hate, HATE trying to find a spot to park near University Ave. in Palo Alto at the best of times, and well, December is probably much closer to the worst of times than the best of times. So I drove for 45 minutes around downtown Palo Alto, until finally someone left their street parking spot and I nabbed it.  

When Ian came out, I didn't even ask him to drive (it was dark, after all) and just zombie drove home trying to keep my thoughts away from sad by thinking about what kind of toy is good to give in a toy drive?  LEGOs are my usual answer, but maybe something else? When that stopped working, I started thinking about what I needed to do tomorrow after Ian's advisor leaves.  I need to go get the grout picked out now that I know that Matt (contractor redoing my main bathroom now) won't kill me for getting the same kind of grout I did last time (It has latex in it and is really good and solid with porcelain, but it dries much, much, much faster than regular grout).  Anyway. 

I did manage to get home without incident, but once out of Palo Alto and onto I-280 traffic was blessedly light. To get home and realize that I have to pay the property taxes by next monday, and also health insurance for next year by the 15th. And finish the programs for this Sunday's recital.  And reschedule my surgery for whenever the next time is.  And while we're on taxes, get the back taxes up to date.  And then get the living trust set up, and a will, and a conservatorship, and... and... and... Oh yeah, a bit of Christmas shopping too.  

Is it any wonder I keep trying to do something nice for myself every day?  I'm so stressed if I don't take melatonin at night I don't sleep until 4am.  And I still have to get up at a reasonable hour. And Ian is on the verge of flunking History because he just won't *do it.*  grrrrr.  Which is why his advisor is coming out tomorrow.  We have him on a tight leash, but I'm not sure what else to do.  And Christmas is coming.  And we need to decorate.  And I need to get cards done..